When it's 60 above, New Yorkers try to turn on the heat; Michigan people plant gardens.
 

When it's 50 above, Californians shiver uncontrollably; Michigan people sunbathe.

When it's 40 above, Italian cars won't start; Michigan people drive with the windows down.
 

When it's 32 above, distilled water freezes; Lake Michigan's water gets thicker.

When it's 20 above, Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats; Michigan people throw on a sweatshirt.
 

When it's 15 above, New York landlords finally turn up the heat; Michigan people have the last cook-out before it gets too cold.

When it's 0 degrees, people in Miami cease to exist; Michigan people lick the flagpole.
 

When it's 20 below, Californians fly away to Mexico; Michigan people get out their winter coats.

When it's 40 below, Hollywood disintegrates; Michigan's girl scouts begin selling cookies door to door.
 

When it's 60 below, polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica; Michigan's boy scouts postpone "winter survival" classes until it gets cold enough.

 When it's 80 below, Mt. St. Helen's freezes; Michigan people rent some videos.
 

When it's 100 below, Santa Claus abandons the North Pole; Michigan people get frustrated they can't thaw the keg.

When it's 297 below, microbial life survives on dairy products; Michigan cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
 

When it's 460 below, all atomic motion stops; Michigan people start saying, "Cold 'nuff for ya?"

When it's 500 below, hell freezes over; the Detroit Lions win the Super Bowl!